I wish I could punch you in the face.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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