just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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