VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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