I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
