that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
