For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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