theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
