she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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