if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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