bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
