Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
