well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
