Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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