Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
