do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
