Can Purell be used as lube?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
