I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
