We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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