you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
