i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
