see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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