a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
