hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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