Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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