it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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