We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
