naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
