I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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