Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
