Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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