Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
