I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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