I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
