In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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