Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
