Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
