I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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