I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
