The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
