I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
