four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
