another moral hangover. fuck.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
