She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
