He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
