we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
