Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
