I'm eating all of the evidence.
handjob tips. give me some.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
