It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
