when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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