One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
