just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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