Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
