My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
