either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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