He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
