he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
