I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
