i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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