I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
