Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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