plz talk dirty to me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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