Jerry, you need to find god
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
