TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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