If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
