We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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