whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
