I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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