My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
