i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
