you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
