I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
