fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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