You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
