white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
