girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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