I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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