the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
