eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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