Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
