If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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