someone owes me an orgasm
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
