My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
