when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
