Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize