She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
