I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
