hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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