I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
