I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
