Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
