I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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