i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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