Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
