Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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