if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
