people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
