i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
