I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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