I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
